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The Fiver | Premier League final or touchline cojone grab?

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Fiver loves Maltesers. The melting of the outer layer of the chocolate takes you either crunchy or to the honeycomb center where you can absorb slowly, which creates an explosion of serotonin as it foams and melts and dissolves in your mouth and makes us feel half-human. But after we eat, the day we see that low red box, we lie down in a pool of our own saliva, hating and cursing ourselves. This year it feels like watching every Premier League game ever teleported to our front room.

While regularly digesting the aid of slapstick defense while raising goals, what started as the happy release of the barrels gradually turned into an unpleasant clunky of the kind that even Granny Fiver wouldn't dare to serve. The fun stopped, but the football didn't stop, forcing it to ruthlessly into our throat and gut like a parasitic worm. The big sale of the Premier League final invites viewers to watch Liverpool and Chelsea's confirmation, yes, confirming that the four richest English clubs will play in the Big Cup next season. Is it tempting? It would be easier to digest a Diazepam butty than this.

If you are watching the Greedy € $ £ break-up wannabe win the day, you'll make yourself sick, at least even silver items must be. So put your teeth in the delicious food served in La Liga on Saturday while the headline is still ready to grab as the final day enters. Atlético Madrid runs Real by two numbers and faces a challenging Valladolid journey (they're like a Castilian Burnley, so our Spanish cousin who is attached to the castanets, who loves the siesta tells us) needs a win to survive. . Meanwhile, the brave 25-time champions are in second place, hosting a Villarreal team whose common minds are already in Gdańsk and focus on how they plan to torment Scott McTominay and Fred in the Big Vase final against Manchester United.

One win against Atlético 2014, but if they draw and beat Real Yellow Submarine title Los blancos Despite Atlético's bigger goal, it's the one-to-one record difference (imagine how that could drop). Atlético doesn't usually win matches with multiple clear goals, so expect it to really be the nuclear-loaded anxiety-inducing nerve-athon that should come with an El Cholo-cam. Remember, the 5pm BST start time, Diego Simeone's touchline cojone-grabbing and Spanish effing and jeffing may also fail the taste test.

WORD OF THE DAY

23rd April: “I have a contract. When I sign a contract there is nothing more I can say. It's my decision to sign a contract. This is what I want to say. When I make such a decision, I have no doubt in mind ”- Nuno means that the three-year deal he signed in September will never leave 2015 Molineux soon.

21 May: “Sunday is going to be a very emotional day, but I'm so glad that the fans will come back to Molineux and we can share one last special moment in one package” - somebody must have doubts because Nuno will do one after home match against Manchester United. And now they can get a Bruno.

time for a new coat in wolverhampton?
Time for a new jacket in Wolverhampton? Photo: Sam Bagnall - AMA / Getty Images

RECOMMENDED RESERVATION

Tickets for Football Weekly Live's Euro Note are now available in private preview 10 June. Get them while they're hot.

FIVE LETTERS

“Re: referee misfortunes (Five letters passed). When I returned to a very brief golden age as a Sunday League manager, a scrupulous scrupulous about evil found on the receiving end of a bad-mouthed tyrant from one of my players. As he sent them to an early bathroom, he shouted after the departed teenager: “And if you come home early, tell your mom to order a takeaway meal.” He was his son ”- Saul Crossland.

“Wouldn't it be great if Wolves hired Wolfgang Wolf, former Wolfsburg coach? ? ”- Joe Lakes.

Send your letters to [email protected] And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today's winner of the premise letter of the day… Saul Crossland.

NEWS, BITS AND COILS

Eight people were arrested by police after an investigation into racist harassment of a Tottenham player, and four others were meticulously interviewed.

12 Leicester's 2020, Wes Morgan hangs his boots after battling his back for most of the season.

cheers wes.

cheers wes.
Cheers Wes. Photo: Alex Pantling / The FA / Getty Images

St Johnstone headdress Steve Brown did his part by urging fans not to gather in large numbers when they faced Hibs in the fight against Covid at the Scottish Cup final. “We are trying to complete an extraordinary success by winning both local cup competitions,” he said. "[But] Please avoid gathering at McDiarmid Park… it is very important for everyone to follow the rules."

Manchester United employees receive a new anti-Glazers email from "The Fans". BULLETIN titled # 1, he said he wanted to give them a different perspective from what they saw in the club. “The briefings you have received [internally] are very interesting, but we will provide periodic updates that provide a broader view,” the horn was sounded. [So probably more humorous than other missives closer to home - Fiver Ed.]

Premier League clubs are winning in the Big Cup, and where it really matters, in the transfer market, British teams are allegedly responsible 36% of all player transfer activity last summer, according to a UEFA report.

Chelsea are back from Barça's Women's Big Cup. In a 3-0 FA Cup fifth round win over Everton. “What a great band,” said Emma Hayes. “The market hurt, we didn't hide it, but there is no shame in getting a silver medal from the [Big Cup] final.”

And Kenny Jackett is the new head of Leyton Orient.

STILL WANT MORE?

Ten things to watch out for in the Premier League this weekend. Go ahead, get one last time before the season ends.

until next season, 10 things.
10 something until next season. Compound: Andy Hooper, Tom Jenkins, Getty, Reuters

"Death, taxes and the Sergio score": Manchester City bid farewell to the legend. Posted by Will Unwin.

Richard Foster takes us on a parptastic journey through Premier League 1, 000 his goals.

Test! Exam! Test!

Oh, if this is your thing… You can follow the Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT DE!

WE GO ALL IN ICELAND

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